Cankers of the Soul

Some time back, an acquaintaince I had once helped in her time of need took a vicious potshot at me.I should have dismissed it as the desperate whiplash of a soul tormented by jealousy and frustration, but the poisonous shaft struck a raw nerve. And the pain was augmented by a sense of betrayal.

Tempestous rage welled in my heart and rose to my lips as bitter invectives.I desperately wanted to tear her to bits and expose her for the pathetic sham that she was. For days, I raved and ranted to my intimates, most of whom listened patiently and doled out generous amounts of sympathy. Some were outraged. Others asked me to forget the ingrate and get on with my life. But, forgiveness was easier said than done. The hurt had eaten into my being like an infectious canker and no matter how hard I tried to forget, I was unable to get over the feeling of having been taken advantage of.

I wasn't sure if retailation would quell the rage within, but every cell in my body wanted to hit back as viciously.I was convinced that nothing but the sight of my enemy fallen low would assuage the pain inside. Although in reality, anger and my thirst for revenge would have only ravaged my spirit and in all probability, derailed my life. For pain like fire can either consume or temper. It can bequeath us with humility, grace and an appreciation for the blessings in our lives and spur us on to achieve greatness. Or it can erode the largess of the spirit within, sap it of passion and destroy our ability to dream.

Fortunately for me,after my umpteenth crib session, a good friend sensed that I was getting a little obsessive and sat me down for some plain speaking. She did not ask me to forgive nor did she urge me to move on. But instead, she drew upon facts to sketch for me an image of a desperately unhappy person, who was hitting out because she wanted so much from life but had not the faculties to realise her dreams.

And then, she posed a few questions to me:
What could one possibly expect from a bitter, envious soul than anger and venom?
Why transform myself into a spitting image of this unhappy virago, when I had so much more to look forward to?
And most importantly, how much of my time and energy was I squandering in dreaming of ways and means of retaliation?
She got her points through loud and clear. And the reality check was just what was needed to bring me back to earth with a bump.

At the end of our intense conversation, my anger miraculously faded away leaving in its wake, pity and a sense of immense relief.My walk in the shoes of the offender brought home a clear understanding of the environment she came from, its impact on her psyche and granted me greater insights into the cankers of her soul. It also freed my heart of its burden,ironed the frowns from my brow and set my spirit free to once again roam through green pastures in pursuit of its dreams.

As someone once said, the greater your capacity to love, the greater is your capacity to feel pain but while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.