Yet another birthday looms large on the horizon and my inner circle is abuzz with questions...About celebration plans, wish lists and the special gifts that will come my way..The countdown to the larger than life '40' milestone, which now hangs over my neck like the sword of Damocles...And, above all, if I intended to continue allowing the irrepressible child in my heart to manifest itself in my personality...
I am afraid most are a little disappointed by my vague responses and perhaps, more so by my nonchalance about the impending event. As the questions continue to stream in, I answer them as best as I can... all the while wondering if the listener has sensed that, at this moment, my birthday plans are the least of my concerns. This is not to say that I am against birthdays or anniversaries or celebrations in general. Or that I expect the rest of the world to slave their fingers to the bone in making it a special day for me. What does not appeal to me is the element of contrivance which prior planning brings to these special days. I would rather go with the flow and take each moment as it comes.
Over the past many years, what made every birthday special was the love and warmth that I was cocooned in. I love the fact that people care enough to remember, to call or better still to drop by for a drink and a giggle. I am always touched when they stretch that extra mile to do something that warms me to the cockles of my heart.And I enjoy the sense of anticipation a beautifully packaged gift offers me and the excitement of discovery as I rip it open..It doesn't matter what is inside...It could be a string of cheap beads or a ridiculously expensive solitaire...For me, what matters is the element of surprise, the excitement of the moment and the warmth of being loved.
So inevitably, year after year, when friends ask me how I plan to celebrate my birthday or what I have asked for by way of gifts, my answer always is none what so ever. I look forward to seeing what the day brings my way..the fun, the spontaneity, the discovery and the savouring of the emotions.For me, this is what life is all about. And I think I will carry this passion for life, with all its good and bad, right to my grave.
People tell me that everything slows down with age, except the time it takes for an utterly sinful wedge of warm gooey chocolate walnut brownie to reach your hips. I disagree. Age does not bring wisdom...Life and its many experiences does that!!!
At 15,I thought 20 was the Golden Age and just couldn't wait to hit the magic number.Unfortunately for me, life started at a snail's pace and by 25, I was a little panicked because I thought I would be semi senile by the time I hit 30 and was haunted by visions of myself rocking away aimlessly on the porch of a geriatric care center. But then life in the 30s lane have proved to be incredibly exciting. Probably because I have shed a lot of inhibitions, don't worry over much about looking like a fool and laugh easily when I do. And I am not afraid to demand love, express sorrow and more importantly, eliminate the weeds in my garden of life.
I find myself increasingly open to experimentation and new experiences. So much so that with my 35th birthday right round the corner, the only thought in my mind is that if the 30s are so incredibly exciting, then what would the 40s and 50s hold in store for me?
Would I dare go skinny dipping...or climb a mountain...tend a raucous bar in true coyote style...or swim with the dolphins in the deep blue ocean...Who knows?
For all I know, I may be skydiving at 60 or even doing the salsa at the ripe old age of 70....Because in my heart I believe that you don't stop dancing because of age...you grow old only because you stopped dancing.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Of Blood, Water & Karmic Bonds
A very dear friend - someone I connect with at a subliminal level - left for a far away land over the weekend. Our parting was painful and my sense of loss immense. All the more so because I was only too aware of the vast distance between us and was not sure as to when we would meet next. The last time I experienced a similar gut wrenching emotion was back in the eleventh grade, when I had to say goodbye to a much adored brother at the end of his Indian holiday. It was the first summer that we had bonded and I was quite bereft as he boarded his flight back home.
I know this present feeling of pain and sorrow will abate in intensity, especially in view of the wonderful advancements in technology which offers us so many avenues of connecting with our loved ones. But my friend's departure also got me thinking...About how fortunate I was to have effortlessly discovered an almost karmic bond with a person who chanced my way one fine morning..And to have been given the opportunity to enjoy a wonderful relationship marked by freedom, unconditional love, very little judgement and a lot of laughter.
While it is easy for us to find people to bond with from within the confines of our family,it is not very often that we come across a person who strikes a chord within us from the very first moment we lay eyes on them. But every now and then, we do come across a perfect stranger who breezes into our life to claim a special niche in our heart for himself/herself. So much so that we often wonder how we ever survived not knowing him or her for so many years?
Today when I look back, I realise that I have been uniquely priveleged to have been touched by some very special people, who cheekily waltzed in and changed my life forever. A lot of them have been and still are, more family than family.
Strange thoughts for a woman who as a young girl grew up on a steady, unremitting diet of instructions for life – to be the epitome of genteel politeness and good breeding, grace in the face of hostility, maidenly modesty at all times, and the golden maxim: cherish blood which is thicker than water any day. Although my innate rebelliousness periodically reared its truculent head to challenge some of these directives; for the most part, I did make an honest effort to embrace these maxims.It was only when I left home with the grim determination to find my path in this world, that I had the opportunity of testing the mettle of these sacrosanct commandments.
A naive small town girl in the big city, it was rather difficult for me to affect the demure maiden act in an risqué atmosphere at work,when stalked by hormonally overcharged admirers or while fighting for bathroom rights with 6 other roomies. I must admit that when faced with the harsh realities of life with no family to run to for dutch courage or comfort, the last thing on my mind was grace, dignity or feminity. Life on the single track also meant that I was responsible for me...There were things to do, places to go, people to meet, friends to be made, new horizons waiting to be conquered...And also, there were decisions to be made, of which not all qualified as smart ones. Luckily for me, the very act of fending for myself brought some very special people my way, with whom I connected so deeply that I was able to fall back on their sage advice in moments of need. And it was only a matter of time before the gilted 'blood is thicker than water' tenet had faded away from my psyche.
Do I regret it? Most definitely not!. Like me, most of my family have gone their seperate ways to different lands and found their own paths. While this did not undermine the love we bore each other, it most definitely did enable us to expand our circles of trust to include people with whom each of us have connections that can only be termed as karmic.
It is indeed difficult to explain these connections, but for me, a much loved quote by Maya Angelou sums it well
“I do not believe that the accident of birth makes people sisters and brothers. It makes them siblings. Gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood are conditions people have to work at. It's a serious matter. You compromise, you give, you take, you stand firm, and you're relentless...And it is an investment. Sisterhood means if you happen to be in Burma and I happen to be in San Diego and I'm married to someone who is very jealous and you're married to somebody who is very possessive, if you call me in the middle of the night, I have to come.”
Call it luck or destiny but sometimes, the ones who heed your distress calls and arrives to hold your hand in your moment of need, are the sisters and brothers of the soul rather than that of blood.
I know this present feeling of pain and sorrow will abate in intensity, especially in view of the wonderful advancements in technology which offers us so many avenues of connecting with our loved ones. But my friend's departure also got me thinking...About how fortunate I was to have effortlessly discovered an almost karmic bond with a person who chanced my way one fine morning..And to have been given the opportunity to enjoy a wonderful relationship marked by freedom, unconditional love, very little judgement and a lot of laughter.
While it is easy for us to find people to bond with from within the confines of our family,it is not very often that we come across a person who strikes a chord within us from the very first moment we lay eyes on them. But every now and then, we do come across a perfect stranger who breezes into our life to claim a special niche in our heart for himself/herself. So much so that we often wonder how we ever survived not knowing him or her for so many years?
Today when I look back, I realise that I have been uniquely priveleged to have been touched by some very special people, who cheekily waltzed in and changed my life forever. A lot of them have been and still are, more family than family.
Strange thoughts for a woman who as a young girl grew up on a steady, unremitting diet of instructions for life – to be the epitome of genteel politeness and good breeding, grace in the face of hostility, maidenly modesty at all times, and the golden maxim: cherish blood which is thicker than water any day. Although my innate rebelliousness periodically reared its truculent head to challenge some of these directives; for the most part, I did make an honest effort to embrace these maxims.It was only when I left home with the grim determination to find my path in this world, that I had the opportunity of testing the mettle of these sacrosanct commandments.
A naive small town girl in the big city, it was rather difficult for me to affect the demure maiden act in an risqué atmosphere at work,when stalked by hormonally overcharged admirers or while fighting for bathroom rights with 6 other roomies. I must admit that when faced with the harsh realities of life with no family to run to for dutch courage or comfort, the last thing on my mind was grace, dignity or feminity. Life on the single track also meant that I was responsible for me...There were things to do, places to go, people to meet, friends to be made, new horizons waiting to be conquered...And also, there were decisions to be made, of which not all qualified as smart ones. Luckily for me, the very act of fending for myself brought some very special people my way, with whom I connected so deeply that I was able to fall back on their sage advice in moments of need. And it was only a matter of time before the gilted 'blood is thicker than water' tenet had faded away from my psyche.
Do I regret it? Most definitely not!. Like me, most of my family have gone their seperate ways to different lands and found their own paths. While this did not undermine the love we bore each other, it most definitely did enable us to expand our circles of trust to include people with whom each of us have connections that can only be termed as karmic.
It is indeed difficult to explain these connections, but for me, a much loved quote by Maya Angelou sums it well
“I do not believe that the accident of birth makes people sisters and brothers. It makes them siblings. Gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood are conditions people have to work at. It's a serious matter. You compromise, you give, you take, you stand firm, and you're relentless...And it is an investment. Sisterhood means if you happen to be in Burma and I happen to be in San Diego and I'm married to someone who is very jealous and you're married to somebody who is very possessive, if you call me in the middle of the night, I have to come.”
Call it luck or destiny but sometimes, the ones who heed your distress calls and arrives to hold your hand in your moment of need, are the sisters and brothers of the soul rather than that of blood.
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